“If I’m being kind to you but you think I’m being horrible, am I being kind or not?”

It’s your job to judge a person on whether they are likely to be sensitive towards a certain subject or not. You are not being kind if you are aware that your actions are being hurtful, you would know by common sense of their reaction( facial expression, tone, body language, etc). If you aren’t aware of it, then you are not being horrible because you have no prior knowledge of that person and how they might feel. Being kind or horrible to someone is basically just what one person describes someones characteristics, if you’re sensitive and you are hurt by what one may think is harmless humour, then it’s just a question only answered by the larger majority of people.